Richard's Nickname

My son Benji has always been very verbal, able to repeat most of the words he hears, putting together complete sentences at a very young age. I've always been quite proud of his 3-yr-old vocabulary. For the past 2-3 months, however, he's begun to experiment with sounds and words. I think he makes up new words just to see how they sound. For example, instead of "Yes, ma'am" he'll say "Yes, Tonk!". Instead of asking for a cup of milk, "Mommy I want a cup of Choonk!" Maybe he's reverting to "baby talk" in order to compete with his little sister for attention from Mom and Dad. Whatever his reasons may be, this is the background that leads us to today's post.

Benji and I were driving down the road a few weeks ago when he "discovered" a new word. Fortunately he chose this moment rather than trying it in a crowded store. He found a towel in the back seat, pulled it across his car seat, and yelled "Mommy I got my (Richard's nickname)!!!" And if you need me to explain what he actually said (what Richard's nickname is), don't bother reading the rest of this post. I simply cannot write it! Just use your imagination, it'll come to you. Anyway, he's steadily yelling out "Mommy, I got my (Richard's nickname)!!! I GOTTA RICHARD'S NICKNAME, MOMMY!!! RICHARD'S NICKNAME!!! RICHARD'S NICKNAME!!!! NICKETY-NICK-NICK-NICKNAME!!!!"

Can I tell you again how GRATEFUL I am that he did this in the safety of our car and NOT IN PUBLIC. And you know, if you laugh, he'll just keep on doing it. So I nearly choked on my laughter that day. For those of you who have kids, I'm sure you've been there. For those of you who may someday have kids.....be prepared. You're time is coming too!

Comic Relief

I needed a little comic relief after yesterday's events (see previous post). So when I found this lighthearted article in Real Simple, it hit the spot. I thought I'd share it with you. The first time I read it (several months ago), I considered it funny enough to hang on to....one of those morsels of comedy that I'm glad I still have. But when I read it again this morning, I noticed that it was written by a man. Read it, and you'll understand why I was a little surprised. It sounds completely like a woman's thoughts:

SEEKING: Impersonal Trainer

Look, I know. I could stand to lose a few pounds, and I need your help getting there. But I'll be honest: I've felt smothered by other trainers I've been with. I want to know that you're there, sure, but counting every rep? I need my space!! That is why, at every session, I'll happily provide you with reading material and a folding chair. Feel free to monitor my exercise from afar - just try to do so without direct eye contact.

Oh, and I'm acknowledging my fitness intentions just by taking out this ad, right? We'll both know why we're meeting. So we don't have to talk about goal weight or body-mass index. Let's keep the chitchat to celebrity breakups, shall we?

I'd also prefer a hands-off approach. Literally. Not that I think physical contact is inappropriate. It's just that if the weight is heavy enough for me to need a spotter, I'm probably not going to want to lift it in the first place.

That should about cover it. I'd rather not give you my phone number, in case someday I sleep in and miss an appointment. So how about this: I'll be at Rosedale Gym next Wednesday at 7 a.m., ready to get fit. Meet me if you'd like the job, but please don't try to talk to me - I'm not really a morning person.

A few days ago, I had a day of total nostalgia. I pulled out some old cd's and listened to some praise music that brought me back to the early days of my faith. "Basics of Life" and "Where There is Faith" by 4Him, "Mercy Came Running" by Phillips, Craig, & Dean, and "The Great Divide" by Point of Grace. I mean big time jam session, wishing for the simpler days of my faith. In retrospect, it was easier to have faith in those days because I wasn't facing the trials of this day and age. I know now why the Bible compares our journey in faith to running a race. When you start running, there's so much enthusiasm, an eagerness to run with diligence and win. The longer you run, though, the harder it becomes to finish the race. You're faced with fatigue, self-doubt, stumbling and trying to get back up.....

That sums up the condition of my heart lately. But yesterday God revealed Himself to me again in a very personal way that I am compelled to share with others. The night before last, I started bleeding. I was fairly certain that I was having another miscarriage (this would be my third). I cried myself to sleep. When Meg woke up for her bottle at 4:15, I fed her and rocked her to sleep. But I couldn't go back to sleep...way too much on my mind. So I pulled out my old faithful (and unfortunately dusty) Bible. I had no idea which passage to read so I did the old "open it to wherever the pages fall, close my eyes and point to a passage" routine. Guess which passage I pointed to: the story of Jesus standing in a large crowd heading to Jairus's home to heal his daughter when a women who had been bleeding reached out and touched His garment and was healed by faith. I almost heard the audible voice of God saying "I know right where you are, and I'm right here with you."

I went to the doctor yesterday and found out that indeed I had sufferred another miscarriage. This one, however, was much different than the other two. I had a condition called a blighted ovum. While I did actually get pregnant, the cells that split only formed a gestational sac, not a baby. There was never a baby, only an empty sac. I can't get my head around it....no baby, just emptiness. I don't understand how to mourn the loss of a baby who never existed. Or did it exist only in the form of cells and nothing more?

My faith has been through so many roller coasters, so many ups and downs in this crazy existence we call life. I know I must be a disappointment to God with my lack of faith at times. But the one truth in life that I am continually astounded by is God's faithfulness in spite of my faults. He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us, and He is faithful to His promises. I don't have to understand this trial in order to get through it.